Non conterendus est nothis

The delicate art of taking the kitchen apart. First off, gently remove the lovely 70's Hygena kitchen units with a club hammer and place carefully in a skip. Move all white goods into the living room and give the cooker away to a friend. The central heating system contains gallons of disgusting black water, so make sure that you drain the system carefully. Here is my method:

  • Slowly remove the largest nut you can see on the boiler until the pressure of the water blows it off and a 4 foot jet of water shoots across the room.
  • Desperately try to shove the nut back in the hole while getting soaked by the resulting spray.
  • Try to stem the deluge by blocking the hole with one hand and redirecting the spray of water into a small bucket (held by Jen) with the other.
  • Curse whoever installed the system without drain taps while Jen empties the bucket each time it fills up.
  • Watch the water cover the floor and drain away through the floorboards and wonder how many gallons are going down there
  • Mop up and apologise to Jen for being so stupid.
  • Remove another nut and repeat the whole thing again

For god's sake - would it have been too difficult to put a drain valve in?

Hmmm... what else can we do to improve the kitchen? How about smashing the plaster off with a Bosch electro-pneumatic hammer (thanks for the loan, Jon) and scraping the polystyrene ceiling tiles off with a hoe?

It's looking better already.

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